Killing in the name of... Jesus

The sad thing is that we're not even surprised by this news anymore. What news, you ask? Why, this news: That, during the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan, the Bush administration liked its Pentagon war briefings laced with biblical quotations and exhortations.

Have a look at the collection, that GQ magazine has just reported, here.

James Carroll from the Boston Globe writes:

Sent by God. Protected by God. Sure to succeed. The righteous nation. A war defined not merely as just, but as holy. Such manifestations are one thing from eccentric religious groups operating on the fringe of the US military, in space guaranteed by freedom of religion. It is another when they show up at the peak of the chain of command - and from inside the intelligence community, which is charged with nothing less than defining the character of America's wars.

The Pentagon is the wrong place for unbound Christian zealotry, not just because it violates the separation of church and state (and the rights of non-believers in the chain of command), but even more because it is inimical to the prudent use of force. When the history of America's failures in Iraq, and now Afghanistan, is written, expect to find that US military decision-making was made blind by faith.

Bumper Sticker Hilarity

"Follow me. I'm going dogging!".

Darkest Day

Brighton Zombie Film Teaser Trailer from dan rickard on Vimeo.

Just released: the new trailer for the soon-to-be-completed nobudget zombie film (now entitled Darkest Day) that I had some small involvement in last summer.

Check it out - it's gonna be zombietastic.

Impenetrable Frenchness

Strange things were afoot in Canary Wharf last week.

When I first saw it, I thought it was probably some kind of wacky promotion for Fiat, or something like that...

Or maybe an 'out there' PR stunt for breast augmentation...

But no. As the Metro reports, it was all the work of a French street theatre company called Ilotopie, who appear at next month's Greenwich and Docklands International Festival.

JCB Song

There was a bloke on Radio 4 this morning telling an instructive story about how the German government is reacting to the current economic crisis, as compared to our own bunch of 'Einsteins' in Westminster...

The company JCB (makers of tractors, diggers, excavators), based in Staffordshire, is going through some pretty severe problems right now. As are their competitors, who are based in Germany. Orders are drying up for these things - not unexpectedly, in view of how careful everyone's being with their money.

There's not enough work for many of the skilled JCB technicians in Staffordshire, so the company are laying them off. Simple as that. They get paid out, then go and (hopefully) find work elsewhere. A lot of them are undoubtedly moving out of the area - there being better prospects elsewhere in the country. Our government's involvement in the whole business will be limited to paying some of these poor buggers a minimal unemployment benefit (once they've gone through their savings, of course). The archetypal 'ambulance at the bottom of the cliff'.

In Germany it's a different scenario - they seem to prefer the fence at the top of the cliff. The German company's predicament is such that they can only afford to keep a lot of their skilled workforce at work for two days a week right now, so that's exactly what they're doing - paying them for two days work a week, with the government subsidising them for the interim period, until such a time that the company can afford to have them back at work for three days a week, then four days a week, and then, finally, five.

And they're not sitting on their hands during their time off-work either. They're attending mutually-agreed training courses, to give themselves options in case their under-employment proves more protracted than is expected, and they're also training others, sharing the skills that they have.

Now, here's your starter for ten. Which of these two companies will be better placed to grab an advantage over the other, once the world economy (and orders for diggers and tractors et al) starts to pick up?

Bits and Bobs

I haven't had much time for the old blog lately, but I'm still around - in body if not in mind. Feeling pretty frazzled, to tell the truth. It's partly work - that's been crazy recently. Not to mention a bit fraught. The word 'cutbacks' has been used in anger, so everything's uncertain at the moment. C'est la vie in the world of finance right now.

The homefront's been busy too. We've moved. Only about 5 minutes away - why would anyone want to leave the little slice of heaven that is South London? - but it still counts. Yep, the few little 'niggles' that we always had about the previous place - with the benefit of time and a steadily accruing bitterness - eventually became major pissers, so we decided to upsticks and move down the road a bit. We've got a bigger place with a garden and a study... and for less money than we're currently paying. I guess this is the positive side of the economy going tits up.

I've also been ill. Swine flu? Or just man flu? I dunno. I might know when I finally get around to going to the docs! And the other thing occupying my thoughts and time has been organising to - possibly - doing some study later in the year. And believe it or not, it's the law that I'm thinking about... I've been told by a few people that I'd make a good lawyer. I'm taking this as the mortal insult it is undoubtedly intended as.

Anyway, just thought I'd say I'm still alive, if not kicking! More news at eleven.

Why you all buggering off to airport?

By Azam Al-Maktar, shopkeeper, Basra

"MY dear British friends, why you leave? You come here six year ago and say all will be great now that fat Sunni bastard in Baghdad is down hole. I stand in street and cheer. I look very much forward to being free and having aspirin and CNN. But it no happen and now you get in tank and bugger off to airport. Are you on holidays or are you having up to here with all the shit?

Six year ago I say to my friend Nouri, I say: "British are hard men, they no take any piss from Mehdi bastard. They show Mehdi bastard how it is now." Nouri say to me that Mehdi bastard have many trick up sleeve and British boys not even know why they here anyhow. Turn out Nouri right. Turn out Nouri not total shithead. Turn out Nouri is Mehdi bastard too.

Saddam, he sure was one fat Sunni bastard. But after while you get used to fat bastard and get on with life. Then shithead Saudi bastards fly plane into banks and funny little Bush blame fat Sunni bastard in Baghdad.

Saddam very like my uncle Karim. Bad temper, lot of guns but could not organise pot of tea in tea shop. He no fly plane into banks. But funny Bush still want Iraq. Nouri say to me it about oil and fat American who drive to end of street to buy food covered in cheese. Turn out Nouri right about that too. Mehdi bastard.

So Americans come and British come and they flatten post office. I no like man who work in post office but still I say, post office come in handy. Next night they come and flatten Uncle Karim's house. We found his foot. I keep shoe. Come in handy.

Then Mehdi bastards start pushing around and say we all friends with Iran. Iran! With crazy bastard president who look like driver of bus!

Before British come I walk down street, past big photo of fat Sunni bastard and buy cup of tea. Now photo of fat Sunni bastard is gone but tea shop gone too. In fact, tea shop spread over wide area. And I just want cup of tea.

So goodbye my dear British friends and thank you for killing fat Sunni bastard in Baghdad and turning my home into big stinking bag of shit. One day you come back and tell me what it all about? Yes?"

Compliments, as always, to The Daily Mash.

Arse about face

I'm always interested in hearing what William Kristol has to say, if only because you can always be absolutely certain that - whatever he's saying - the absolute opposite will be the case. He's a completely reliable 'reverse psychic'. Very handy.

This situation is made abundantly (Kristol) clear here.

The article also imparts the information that, presumably because of this sage-like perspicacity of his, Kristol has just been awarded something called a 'Bradley Prize' which is worth a cool $250,000.

So, on the off-chance that any of these Bradley people are reading this, here's my attempt at 'prizing' a few quid out of them...

Here goes... Dan Brown will shortly win the Nobel Prize for literature... Next week we'll discover that there IS life on Mars - there's loads of people up there and they're all called Kevin... Millwall FC will win next year's Champions League... This summer, the funniest TV show ever broadcast will be made (in Germany)... And, tomorrow, scientists will announce that eating a bag of turkey twizzlers every day is known to cure cancer.

On the basis that Kristol's incredible bullshit seems to be worth a quarter of a million, surely those little gems should net me at least a tenner, do you think?

Happy St. George's Day!

I don't find myself agreeing with Boris Johnson too often, but I'm definitely with him in regards to making a bigger deal out of St. George's Day. I think it should be a national holiday.

For one thing, it would be nice, just for one day, for everyone to put their natural modesty (and cynicism) on ice, and really celebrate everything that's great about the old place.

Just for one day, mind. (We don't want to become all "rah rah rah for us", y'know, like some other people. That sort of behaviour always seems a bit "they doth protest too much" to me).

And for another, look outside! What a beautiful week it's been... I'd much rather be lying on the common, tipping cider down my gullet while watching the world go by.

In a spirit of national pride and unity of course.